There are any number of objects on my desk that could make a good spot for her. But her favourite position is right next to my laptop, lounging across my arm onto the keys.

What if? What if there is an endless round of irritation that has no actual beginning and no end? Argh! What if?

I began by framing my stories but soon found I was sharing personal stories and then that I was sharing intimately. This surprised me enormously. What surprised me even more was the amount of re-blogging of my intimate blogs.

It is easier to be in charge than it is to hand over responsibility and let your children suffer the consequences of their own mistakes. Nowhere is this more obvious than when your children leave home and you can see their unwillingness to take on adult responsibility piling up around them.

Yesterday we went to the hot springs. It was glorious. For the first time in a long time, there was no pain. No joint pain, no bone aches, just soothing warmth and mineral bliss.

I was 24 when I made contact with my birth mother. The adoption laws had been changed, making it easier to be connected. We wrote for a while, then sent cassette tapes. Yes, this some time ago. Eighteen months later I travelled across Australia to meet her.

I have been doing a lot of letting go of late. It’s not been easy but certainly due. I have been writing poetry and prose instead of stories, which is a little unsettling. One of them appears to be a song to a distinctly country tune.

When all seems hopeless, I stop and stare into nothing, where nothing can be seen and a despondency pervades my heart.

On Fridays I sit to write a blog. My youngest cat, let’s call her Gemma (because that’s her name), always tries to help. Gem has many opinions of what I should write and does her best to express this telepathically by boop-ing her head against mine or smooching over my chin, while walking across the keyboard.

I am reminded of my lack of gratitude. I have been feeling so sad at my son’s moving away from home I have been focussed on my sorrows instead of my sparkles. You need gratitude for sparkles.