Went to the doctor this afternoon to talk about changing medications and happened to mention strange feelings I’d been having in my chest. Should’ve kept my mouth shut.

How we deal with grief builds resilience or swallows us whole. For me, living each day with loss means I need routine and happy habits, I need work to distract me and I need times to reflect.

Very recently, Youngest Daughter, re-posted a photo of me from 2009. I looked so much younger than I do know. A lot has happened over the past eight years and I am completely grey. (I tell Youngest Daughter that she is responsible. heh!)

I wonder if there is a period as we transition into older middle age (I am 52) where the rites of passage no longer exist and we suffer accordingly?

Interestingly, blogging began as a way to develop my writing and I have many stories that have yet to see the light of this screen. Then I started painting and drawing again.

I am thinking about the crossover between perspective, perception and expectations. How what we see is what we get.

There are events that happened in my life that I do not discuss. I have always been annoyed that things that happened long ago have current impact.

Not everyone copes well with Christmas as we know. For me it has to do with my expectations of Christmas as a family day.

I spent over ten years of my life caring for and loving a boy that wasn’t mine. He was fostered and very challenging.

Emboldened I began drawing other animals. I haven’t got much past their necks yet and did you know that ducks can look very sad if you give them a big beak? I like quackers. I like animals.